So there I was...


...dispatched to cover other officers on a domestic disturbance in
another division.  Supposedly there were seven people fighting on a
balcony.  I was the last to arrive, of course, because the other
officers worked in the division where it was occurring.


Anyway, I'll skip most of the crap, and get to what started the whole
broo-ha-ha.  The 19 year old victim had broken up with her 19 year
old boyfriend, and told him to move out of the apartment
(incidentally, she dumped him because she was sick of getting her
butt whupped).


Well, needless to say, this guy had an anger management problem, and
he couldn't take rejection very well.  How did he respond?  He beat
her up with a screwdriver for one.


Beating her up wasn't good enough, though.  He had to humiliate her.
Being the small minded, tiny dicked, cowardly piece of shit that he
is, he had to humiliate her, too.


How, you ask?  He held her down with one hand, and pissed all over
her head.


CAN YOU FREAKING BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!?  HE PISSED ALL OVER HER HEAD!!!!


There's a little silver lining in all of this, besides the fact that
I got to take him to jail.  Someone else interviewed him, you see.
That meant that by the time I talked to him, getting his statement
didn't depend on my interaction with him at all -- we already had it.
Therefore, I got to be as much of an asshole as I could
professionally get away with (not as much as the old days, though).


His mommy was outside the car right before I drove away with him in
it.  He asked if he could "give mom a kiss" before we went.


"No."


"What?  Why not?  Why can't I kiss my mom before I go to jail?  Isn't
that a violation of my Constitutional rights?"


"You better sue the Cracker Jack company for giving you a bullshit
law degree.  There is no Constitutional right to kiss mommy before I
lock you in the clink."


"What?  Well, can't you cut me a break, man?  Just give me one little
thing.  I just want to kiss my mom."


"I'm not 'man,' I'm 'sir.'  And no, I don't cut breaks to people who
piss on their girlfriend.  Sorry, EX-girlfriend."


So, Mr. Jackass decided to spit all over the back of my cruiser.  He
was out of piss, you see.  So when we got to the clink, I made him
take his shirt off.  Then I wiped up all the spit with it, and gave
the shirt back (I'm no thief).  Moral of the story:  I win.


HE FREAKING PISSED ON HER!!!  My old man was the king of abusers, but
I don't remember him ever pissing on anyone.  GEEZ!!!